Newspaper excerpt

Italicized editorials mine.

• A 44-year-old woman accidentally shot herself in the knee while pursuing a mouse inside her travel trailer (Potter Valley, Calif., July). Remember, people, guns are not toys.
• A 27-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the head while chasing a skunk (Elwood, Utah, May). In the head? Are you sure he wasn't checking the barrel Looney Tunes-style?
• A 45-year-old woman accidentally shot herself in the foot while stalking a woodchuck in her garden (Ferryville, Wis., June). Okay, this one's not too bad. I mean, she's still shooting herself...
• A 57-year-old man accidentally shot himself in the hand while aiming at bees (Williamsburg, Pa., April). Wait, how do you shoot yourself in the HAND? And while aiming at bees? That just adds another layer of absurdity.
• A retired police officer accidentally shot himself in the chest while aiming at a snapping turtle behind his house (Bensalem, Pa., August). Police...chest...how does...make no sense...WHAT?

I will not complain about "critical failures" on attack rolls ever again.