Back

Back from Georgia. No time to say more; I'm off to a Venetian New Year's Eve party.

Three things

1. Just had an eeevil power outage.

2. I almost certainly won't be updating my blog for a few days, as I'm leaving for Atlanta in several minutes.

3. Had another interesting dream last night, and this one made sense. I was in the Trojan War on the side of the Greeks. People were running about, killing each other all over the place, although there wasn't blood anywhere, very clean (do I play too many video games? Yes, probably). As I was moving through the battlefield I saw that Hector and Patroclus (Achilles's buddy) were both fairly nearby, not having seen each other. Hector noticed me and came running toward me, spear raised. As he prepared to kill me I grinned nervously, pointed, and said, "Patroclus is over there, too." Hector looked, then turned, ran off, and killed Patroclus while I walked back to the Greek lines unharmed. Me, to an irate Achilles: "Yes, I am a rat."

Leaving.

Dead like me

I met a man upon the street
Who said I would be late.
I know without a doubt that he
Had seen--had planned?--my fate.

As I walked by he touched my back.
I thought I felt a chill,
And then a heavy lamp did tumble
Off a windowsill.

A boy's life was with violence cut
Just like a power line.
In seconds did I realize
The life cut short was mine.

But from the corner of my eye
I saw a craven form
Dash from the ledge and vanish like
A rowboat in a storm.

I stood in shock; the man approached,
A post-it in his hand
Which held my name and time of death.
How fully was this planned?

The lights have come; they beckon me;
It's time for me to go,
And where I'm headed now I'm dead
Is not for him to know.

Merry Christmas! Have a nightmare!

Gyaaah! Was I glad to wake up this morning! I dreamed that I read in the paper (which looked oddly like my blog) that several people I knew (along with several I didn't) had been killed in a plane crash, Eloquent among them.

The strange and disturbing part of that was that I wasn't affected nearly as much as I thought I should be by the news. And it wasn't just the dream setting, because around the time I wrote the long post on nightmares I had one where I was being forced to kill the Venetians myself (by L. Peter Callender for reasons unknown) and in that dream I was absolutely hysterical (to be completely honest, in the dream I decided to commit suicide as soon as I was done; that was the only dream I've had in which I have contemplated suicide). Maybe it was just the impersonality of learning about the deaths through the newspaper rather than actually seeing (unwillingly inflicting) them. I sure didn't have an emotional reaction of any sort when I heard about the deaths of Steve Irwin and Dyke Brown, but when I saw a dog get run over I felt cold inside.

Oh, on the being-forced-to-shoot-the-Venetians dream, fortunately for me it didn't last. I suppose the first "warning" sign was that the first person I shot was Christine Daae, and when I took my eyes off her and then looked back, her body had disappeared. It was at that moment that I realized I must be dreaming and promptly put down the gun.

3 more days until Christmas! (Like the subtle change of topic?)

Xmas shopping

I've finally finished buying Christmas presents for everyone. Well, except for the Secret Santa, but those assignments haven't even been given yet.

SQUEEK!

Woke up to the sound of a chew toy today. Makes an interesting alternative to an alarm clock, although I would have preferred to sleep in some more.

Just for the record...

I hate Amazon and their preorder system. Something I've been waiting for for over a year got cancelled without my knowledge. Grrr...*gets out Internet voodoo doll*

Getting rid of things

While cleaning out my closet today I came across a shirt I've had since 5th grade. And not only did it fit, it was actually comfortable. You would think that after six years of growing I'd be able to burst it by flexing.

Orthodontist appointment today, and a rather eventful one. It was decided that this summer, I go back into braces! It's just the front teeth, and only for a few months, but still. Not fun. I'm also going to lose my wisdom teeth, which will put an end to my near-17-year streak of not having any body parts removed. Still beat out m'dad, though. And I remain the only male member of the family who still has his appendix.

Disney gone wrong

Ask and ye shall receive: here are my retouched lyrics to A Whole New World.

I can tear down your world
Shifting, shattering, sundered
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last have your heart denied?

I can darken your eyes
Break you wonder by wonder
Murder, chaos, and plunder
No more magic carpet ride

A dying world
A once-fantastic place I slew
No one to tell me no
Or let you go
Or say you're only dreaming

A dying world

A once-proud place I never knew

But when I'm way up here

It's crystal clear

That now I've lost this dying world to you

Now I've torn this dying world from you

Such unbearable sights

Indescribable feeling

Tossing, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless writhing sky

A dying world

Don't you dare close your eyes

So many things I'll never see

Hold your breath - it gets better

I'm like a falling star

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be

A dying world

Every turn sears your eyes

With all horizons choked by you

Every moment red-letter/Not a moment red-letter

I'll chase you anywhere/You'll chase me anywhere
There's time to spare/There's time to spare
Let me tear this dying world from you/I can't spare this dying world from you

A dying world

I'll never see

A thrilling chase

A fallen place

For you and me/For you and me

I destroy cups

Got my PSAT scores the other day. *smug grin*

Today was the last class and performance of the Saturday acting class. First we showed our "storm scene from King Lear" viewpoints and kinesthetic response, then Impulse and Strident showed their freewriting compositions. Ridiculously Cute, Strident, and...*tries to think of a title for this guy* Dancer had their composition based on the opening scene of King Lear, and then Presence, Squeak, and I did ours on the same scene. I crushed the cup in my hand as requied, but I wanted one of the styrofoam bowls from last week; they have such a satisfying crush sound! Finally were the other scene compositions: Ridiculously Cute had the Edmund monologue (and people say I'm creepy?), Squeak and I had a Lear/Reagan scene, Impulse and Dancer has the Edgar/Gloucester cliffs-of-Dover scene, and Strident, Presence, and one other student now named Absent Beta (guess why) had a scene near the end involving Lear and Cordelia. Lilith came to see us! Yay! Afterward everyone went to a nearby restaurant--Lilith came with us, and so did Impulse's brother--and talked much. Impulse and I recited large chunks of Reindeer Soup, and Squeak, Strident, and I recited large chunks of Merchant of Venice.

Now that class has ended and school is out I have no idea when I will next see any of my friends! Must...organize...meeting!

Best. Quote. Ever.

"What's it like at night when the demons visit you?"

ROFL. I have to find a way to work that into my next conversation.

Winter vacation at last!

No more finals! Yay!

Events of the day:

Spanish final: I thought it went well.

Presents: Got a nice book from Lilith today. Thanks! I didn't forgot your present; I'm contucting my giving spree tomorrow.

Sweet Charity: Got my script today. Shame on me if it's not FULLY memorized by the end of vacation! Luckily, memorizing lines is my strong point.

Quizno's: Yummy sandwich.

Dragon dream

Maybe the release of Eragon (don't bother seeing it, by the way) has infected my brain, but for whatever reason I had a dream last night that involved me competing against a black dragon. First, the dragon breathed 7,012-degree fire (an error: anyone who plays D&D knows that black dragons breathe acid) on a section of the pier we were standing on and challenged me to make my breath as hot. I lost, of course, but I still managed to get it up to 6000+ degrees. Don't ask me how. Next was a gymnastics contect. A quote from me: "Your headstand wasn't a very good one, but everyone knows dragons only have Dexterity 10." I then woke up before it was my turn.

Spanish final later today. *cracks knuckes*

Untitled poem

This one came to me in the shower, of all places. It started with me thinking about camera exploits earlier today but then turned into something different.

Eight twisted eyes
Like spider eyes
Hunting for flies.

Finding some prey.
Food for the day
After some play.

Caught on a line
Strong but yet fine.
"Now you are mine."

"Murder!" It cries.
Humans, not flies.
My spider eyes.

Eh. Make of it what you will.

Death never sleeps

Reading Strident's poetry blog has made me want to go back to writing poems of a morbid nature. Here are two short poems, each incorporating the title line.

Slamming the door
Fleeing the shade
Dying no more
I've got it made

Sinking through dreams
Resting at last
Sleeping too long
Safe time has passed

Behind the door
Lies one who's slain
Breathing no more
Feeling no pain

Can't hear the cries
Of one who weeps
Forgot one thing
Death never sleeps

*****

Break down in tears
Fall to your fears
Death comes at last
Breaking its fast

Each dying cry
Shouting out "Why?"
Gets no response
Echoes it haunts

Felling each friend
On without end
Gorged on the best
Why won't it rest?

Death never sleeps
Onward it creeps
Under your door
Hung'ring for more

Ha ha!

No finals for me today! That was nice.

Only one final tomorrow and I get to go in late since it's the day's second.

That's all my gloating for now.

I hate life.

At least, I hate life when life consists of taking your Calculus final while sick. I thought the test itself went pretty well, but still.

Why is it that when I say I'm sick people usually react by hugging me? It makes no sense. "You're a festering cesspool of germs? Here, let me wrap my body about you!"

Apparently one of the seniors is going to write an article about us "behind the Commons" people, as "we are an enigma to the rest of the school." Some talk about what to say and what not to say, though certain people *glances at Red Delicious* get the two mixed up.

I thought the biology final was quite easy, and we got candy canes to boot!

Saw the cast list at last. I'm Vitorrio! WOOHOO!

I love li--*SNEEZE*

...life.

My sneezes and your snores

I have done NOTHING interesting today. I'm just blogging on principle. Here are the "highlights" of the day.

Morning: Spent a considerable amount of time in danger of drooling. XP

Afternoon: Studied for finals tomorrow and goofed around on the computer.

Evening: Made some progress toward organizing something that might be interesting, blogged for a while, then ran off to study more.

Blarg!

I still do not know what my Sweet Charity role is! Sometime this week.

Mmm...peppermint cake.

Title says it all.

Also, I have had two unexpected free periods today, and it appears that I may have a third.

This is not a good keyboard.

*****

Now that said free period has arrived, I've got 30 minutes before I need to head to Spanish and no homework to do. Let's talk.

Let's talk about the day so far.

Math: Some more review and filled out course evaluations.

Bio: The same. My answer to one of the questions: "Carbonill! Carbonyl! However you pronounce it! Letter A! Number A! I'm still asleep!" But I got it right, and that's what counts. Filled out the evaluation in a New York thug "accent." Why? I felt like it for some reason.

Morning Meeting: A few announcements, including a promise to blow up pop tarts in the near future. Then some free time. In the not-so-near future, they might even blow up black powder-laced pop tarts.

C: Freedom!

D: Freedom!

Lunch: Burrito (why don't they have cheese? Why?) and a piece of said peppermint cake. Watched a chain reaction project put on by the applied sciences class. It didn't work very well.

Drama: I'm writing this now.

Spanish: Yet to come. Probably review for the final.

Frisbee: I forsee today being mildly slippery, but not so much that running becomes dangerous. A few people will fall once or twice.

Casting Meeting: PLEASE give us our roles today!!!

I still have 20 minutes. Let's write a stream of thought.

Looking at a painting. Sick, stoned leaf? Why do artists anthropomorphize plants? Calvin uses the word "anthropomorphize" in one of his comic strips. His mother is cutting up an onion. I cut up some onions to make dolmas once. I love dolmas. That batch came out quite lemony. I like lemons. Others say, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I say, "When life gives you lemons, say thanks and suck them dry." Like a vampire. I recently got a pdf about vampires. For D&D of course. Accidentally turned of "stickykeys" just now, whatever that is. Made an odd sound as the window popped up. I have never used "stickykeys." I am not very tech savvy. I am tech semi-literate. I'm probably making a lot of typos. I'll fix them later. Let's try to explore some new territory. Not that one can choose where one goes in a stream of thought. Like the transition from lemons to vampires. Surreal, like the transition from life to death. That's a line from a fantasy novel I read once. I'm typing rather quickly right now considering my style. I'm probably...I said that already. Let's talk. Die stickykeys, die! I wrote , "DIE! DIE! DIE!" on my bio homework, but I'm not referring to the homework or my teacher. I was referring to an empty box that had no purpose, I wanted the empty space gone, to die, as it were, and so I filled it up with DIE! DIE! DIE! I may have gotten that from my old geometry teacher. She was always "killing" things in class. She's awesome. I still have 15 minutes left. Can I keep this up the whole time? The longest such stream I've written before was the 15-minute one early on. The next one after that would be a 10-minute stream on loyalty I had to write for the Saturday acting class. We give our final presentation this coming Saturday. The three pictures plus various scenes and compositions. I'm glad we're keeping the kinesthetic response in the presentation. It's fun, and it's enjoyable to watch. My back feels slightly uncomfortable right now. So does a certain spot on my left hand. Gone now. Could it have been the product of a fevered mind? No. But that was fun to write. Such as when I said to Red Delicious, "On your knees, whelp!" e promptly dropped to his knees. I walked away saying, "That's better" in a somewhat Palpatine-esque voice. Esque. Basque. Are Chechens now licensed? Are Basques? That was a line from the Iraq War Project. Time to go back and fix all my many typos. I'm ending the stream now.

7 minutes left. I'm going to give that^ block of gibberish a title. One appropriately random.

"Running through a cornfield as my ears spit fire."

Too long.

"Finding one's own hot dog."

Something not quite right.

"Sugar and paint"

Why not?

Why am I even worrying about what title to give a stream of consciousness that covers subjects ranging from lemons to Basques to writing DIE! DIE! DIE! on my bio homework. Which reminds me: my bio teacher said that anything else I write today he would not take entirely seriously. That was *after* I started filling out the course evaluation (which he will not see for weeks) in the fashion I did. Go back to the top to read bout that.

1 minute left. I will sign off in the manner of Ernst Stravo Blofeld...

"Good-bye, Mr. Bond!"

Last day of school

Really this is the last day of classes. Study day and finals are still to come. I only have four finals intead of six! HA!

Bleah. Vacation approaches and I can tell I'm coming down with something. But it will have no effect on me, for Peter is strong like bear! *pounds chest*

*COUGH COUGH HACK COUGH* *wheeze* No more chest pounding for me.

Odd dreams

1. My mom gave me a few dollars to bet on the horse races. In one race I won over 400 dollars, and the odds weren't even very long.

2. While driving home on the freeway we got a hop-on. He slid off after a bit.

3. For some other reason I recieved what I thought was a 20-dollar bill, although it turned out to be a 30-dollar bill. When I turned it over and got a closer look it was a 50-dollar bill. I tuned it over again and now it was a $100 bill. As I kept turning it over it grew to $200, $300, $400, and finally $500.

4. I had another in a string of Legend of Zelda-related dreams that has now become quite long. A lot of them feature a forested cave with ReDeads, but it's never quite the same each time. I have to wonder why LoZ is becoming such a regular feature of my dreams. Probably caused by anticipation of Twilight Princess (Preordered and it releases tomorrow! Mehehehehe!)

5. Just remembered: I also had a dream last night where I was Darth Vader fighting the Emperor (yes, I am a GEEK), but each of us was so strong in the Force that neither could kill the other. I would blast the emperor with Sith lightning and put my lightsaber through his head, but he would heal in seconds. He would telekinetically crush me into Vader mush, but my body would just put itself back together. It was quite odd.

I had a very full night.

Today's events being nutshelled in nature

I do not have much time, so I will not go into much detail.

Morning/Afternoon: Finally returned to acting class! Yay! Rehearsed scenes with Squeak and Presence. We also recruited Eloquent, who had come to see our work today, to help us out in places. My hand crushed many a styrofoam bowl. Went out with Venetians to a nearby cafe and had lunch. Gave rides to Impulse, Ridiculously Cute, and Presence. Got lost on the streets. Got in maternal trouble for not giving much thought as to what she would be doing during the proposed hour of Venetian socializing.

Evening: Went to see Strident in The Two Gentlemen of Verona. Got there late. Saw Eloquent also there. At intermission, Eloquent and I spent many happy minutes rendering the English language rather mangled in nature. Saw the rest of the play. Enjoyed it muchly. Afterward, munched truffles while we spent some time talking with Strident. Gave Eloquent a ride home. Decided that Eloquent and Poppet really need to meet sometime soon. You two would hit it off quite perfectly in nature.

My signing is somewhat off in nature.

The Nutcracker

It was wonderful! I've seen The Nutcracker once before, but I was too young to get anything out of it. Everything played the part of Clara. *applauds* Strident, Penguin, and Eloquent also came to see it. During the intermission, Penguin noted that "ballet is not the most effective way to deploy your troops."

Fantasia has spoiled me in regards to the music. I would be watching the various sweets go through their dances and suddenly think, "Hey! You can't be dancing to the fish music yet! The mushrooms haven't done their piece! What? NOW you're getting to the flowers? Huh. Dancing snowflakes!? But there are pieces you haven't done yet! And WHEN are the fairies going to get their turn? They should have come first!" Stupid Walt Disney to mix up the segments and make me confused 66 years later.

After the ballet was over Eloquent, Strident, and Penguin, and I talked outside cowering under an awning (the rain being rather plummeting in nature) until Everything passed. Then she joined us. We then met up with some friends of Everything and Strident and included them in our conversations. I was finally forced to leave and got lost for a few minutes. At least it was only raining lightly.

Quick update

Before I go to bed, I will draw your attention to the fourth on my link list: Strident's poetry blog.

Got it? Good. Now sleep.

Even the dead like to have presents

Continuing my habits of morbid writing and of tweaking songs I have now given the necromancer treatment to The Twelve Days of Christmas. You had better appreciate this; I spent a whole 20 minutes on it!

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A partridge as a zombie!

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two spectral doves
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight mohrgs a murd'ring,
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine Hades burning,
Eight mohrgs a murd'ring,
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten liches scheming,
Nine Hades burning,
Eight mohrgs a murd'ring,
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven banshees keening,
Ten liches scheming,
Nine Hades burning,
Eight mohrgs a murd'ring,
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve ghosts a-haunting,
Eleven banshees keening,
Ten liches scheming,
Nine Hades burning,
Eight mohrgs a murd'ring,
Seven souls a-screaming,
Six ghasts a-slaying,
Five gho-oul kings,
Four rotting birds,
Three dead hens,
Two spectral doves,
And a partridge as a zombie!

Today, today, I post about today! I logged on and the world went awayyyy...todayyyyyyyy!

Came to school late, having no first class today. I smile.

Went over Sweet Charity Act I with Peter T, as he wanted some advice on what to cut. Still don't know my role! Grr!

Class meeting. Nothing interesting.

Calculus. Did some review for the final. I own the optimization problems.

Lunch. Had some nice conversations. Impulse and I still haven't pegged a Shakespearian personality for Strident. Sorry! Red Delicious (see Project Shut Up) found some hideously mildewy books on the Commons roof.

Spanish. Class was redirected to the library.

Bio. Spent the whole perio playing with clay. My hands are still tinged with blue, even after a good washing.

Frisbee. Juniors (myself included) carried the game. Two bestowed nicknames today were Blondie and Moppy (that's me).

Tonight I go to see Everything perform in The Nutcracker. I'll post about that later.

More events of today

...only other blog-worthy event I can think of was my conversation with Impulse. We discussed what Shakespearian characters various Venetians would be. I believe Impulse was Puck. Presence was Edgar (from King Lear), and Eloquent was the Fool from King Lear. Neither of us could think of a good character to fit me. Strident, if you're reading this, any suggestions?

I do not understand the mind of the Internet troll. You're digging your own grave by nature, and when you get banned in under an hour, what is the POINT!?

A mix of woohoos and blearghs

Woohoo! Mystery at Twicknam Vicarage performance today!

Bleargh! We didn't get as many laughs as expected!

Woohoo! New issue of The Pillar (school paper) today, and my poem was in it!

Bleargh! They got the title wrong (not that I'm not grateful, but still irritating)!

Woohoo! I got cast in Sweet Charity!

Bleargh! Not a single role has yet been assigned!

More auditions

Had my singing audition at break today. Emily stopped me after the first verse, which is either a really good sign or a really bad sign. She also asked me if I had been in a chorus before, which I'm going to hope is a good sign.

Acting audition contained a surprise:each person read both roles of the script handout, so for a minute or two that resulted in me playing Charity! Lilith laughed a fair amount at that, and I think I would too were I her. I think/hope that I upheld my reputation a being a fast memorizer with Oscar's lines. Tomorrow the cast list will be posted. *crosses fingers* Come on, Vittorio/Big Daddy!

Mystery at Twicknam Vicarage performs tomorrow during lunch. I know I have my lines cold, but I'm a tad worried about Jeremy.

Even more morbidity!

Over on the D&D message boards is a topic, "1001 Evil Necromancer Sayings." As I was considering singing "Dog Eats Dog" from Les Miz for the auditions today it was on my mind, so I took the lyrics and reworked them. Then just now I decided to put them here. This is what Thenardier might have sung were he a necromancer.

Here's hint of soul stuck inside a corpse.
Pardon me, monsieur, you won't be needing this no more.
Shouldn't be to hard to mould.
Add it to the horde! Add it to the stock!
Here among the evil dead a breath away from hell
You get accustomed to the smell.

Well, someone's got to raise them up, my friends,
Bodies in the graveyard, law and order tumbling down.
Someone's got to raise up these odds and ends
Ere the conquest of the town.

Here's an onyx jewel and a dying fool!
Wouldn't want to waste him; that would really be a crime.
Thank you sir, I'm in your debt.
Here's a little toy! Animate the boy!
His heart's no longer going and he's lived his little time,
But his body's working yet.

Well, someone's got to raise them up, my friends,
Before the little harvest is interred into the mud.
Someone's got to raise up these odds and ends
When the gutters run with blood.

It's a world where the ghouls eat the dogs,
Where I raise up the bones in the street,
And the gods in their heavens, they don't interfere
'Cause they're dead as the stiffs at my feet!

I raise my eyes to see the heavens and only the moon looks down!
The harvest moon shines down!

I really should get to doing homework now.

Help me make the music of...tomorrow

Singing auditions were today, but since I happened to be last and Emily (chorus teacher) had to catch the bus, I'll be back to give my audition tomorrow. Whee.

Nothing else interesting today.

Need to write more.

See the heading.

Tomorrow are singing auditions. It took me a while to decide what to sing, but I've decided on Music of the Night. It's one of the few songs that I (1) have memorized and (2) am capable of singing range-wise (still some evil high notes, but not much that can be done about that). That's all I have to say about that.

I remember during the dance rehearsal, Lilith said to me, "Do remember the fire in that poem of yours? Be the fire."

Be the fire.
Move, leap, don't worry.
I fall. Sticks fall and burn.
I am not a stick. I am the fire.
Fire rises, I rise.
Unsure, unsteady.
Fire is always sure. Fire rises and grows.
I am the fire. I grow, I prosper.
"You have a leaf on you."
I am the fire, and I will consume that leaf, growing stronger still.
Singing about the night. Impossible? No.
Fire casts its shadows. Sing from the shadow, but be the fire.
Singing has never been my strongest suit.
I prepare for an uphill battle.
Fire moves fastest uphill. Be the fire.
The fire waits, wakes, climbs, takes, fades, dies, sleeps, hides, bursts, and lives.
Waiting for rehearsal.
Waking up to an unfamiliar challenge.
Climbing uphill.
Taking one's own measure.
Fading as I fall.
Dying as I land flat on my back.
Sleeping as I contemplate music. Music of the night, as the matter falls.
Hiding, biding my time, practicing.
Bursting forth in song tomorrow.
Living!
Be the fire!
I will be the fire!
I am the fire!

Dance, dance, dance

Today were the dance auditions for Sweet Charity. In my opinion it could definitely have gone worse. Could have gone better too.My mouth was locked in a nervous grin for about 70% of the rehearsal and some time afterward.

High points: Getting a "good job" from Laura (the dance teacher), getting myself sufficiently psyched up to do a handspring.

Low Point: Miserable failure of said handspring. Oh, I have fallen far (no pun intended) from my jujitsu days....

According to Ben (played Vince in Reindeer Soup and is the ONLY other guy who auditioned), what I should put down as my special is an extremely high tolerance for pain. For evidence he cited my holding onto an electroshock machine for 45-ish seconds in freshman year. I don't know if that is enough to justify excaiming, "Nothing hurts you!"

What else today? Ah. I learned that I will NOT be ending my TA-ship with the semester. So now I will have seven classes in the spring. Interesting.

Harp goodness

Recently got back from a two-person harp concert. Those two people were Gift and a friend of hers. Strident and Eloquent also came to see it. I enjoyed the music greatly, was impressed by the complete lack of music sheets to refer to, and was floored to learn that Gift and her partner wrote 8/11 of the pieces.

After that I did some Xmas shopping. Certain family members might read my blog, so I won't give out any specifics.

I need to write, but I have nothing.

I need to write, but I have nothing. Why do I need to write? I wrote less than an hour ago, and again earlier today. Normally I would have attended class with Omnipotent and five other Venetians today, but it doesn't pick up again until next week. Too long! I miss everybody! I saw them, not everybody, but some Venetians a week ago, and we broke up even more recently than wold have if it had been a regular class day, but the space between then and now feels endless. I've made another friend over the last week. Thank you, Lilith. I mean, yes, I did know of you before, but only over the past few days have I really started getting to know you. Tangent. Why isn't the italics hotkey working? End tangent.

I need to write, but now I have something. Not enough. I need to talk. Can't talk. Writing will have to do. Math papers are waiting to be graded. They can wait. I have huge chunks of freedom tomorrow, and more on Tuesday, and more on Wednesday. Enough to finish grading easily, and then maybe to grade them all over again. Why would I grade them a second time except to prove a point, but not even then. There are other things I can do with my time. Like wonder if and how I'll be cast in Sweet Charity. Tangent. It's been a while since I wrote a long post like this one. End of tangent.

I still need to write. What to say? Names. Why not names? Peter. Trotsky. Tubal. Disconcerting. I am all these and more. Emperor of Carthage. Whoo, that's and old one. I forget whether Emperor of Rome (Poppet) was the first to bestow my title on me or I on him. I doubt he even remembers. I don't know why I even remember. It's pointless. I am afraid that any possible reason to remember is fading away anyway. I count on my fingers. Some 14 fingers, and 12 Venetian (+3 really, but they have, for all intents and purposes, disappeared). But as Finger 14 is rising, is Finger 1 dropping? I don't know what larger implications it would have, or even if it would have any, but I don't want to cut what may be my last tie to the first half of my life. No tangent this time.

ARGH! It's not enough! I still need to write! Why?! Why now am I possessed with this urge to write and write and wite and then to come back and write some more?! I'm going to look for and post one of those 50-word stories I had to write last year in Lit class. The funny one. Well, you might not find it funny. It's funny in a rather sick way. But the class and my Lit teacher liked it. I'll go look for it now.

Wow. I still have my notebook. My sad, ratty little literature notebook with six pages still attached and more written on the inside front cover than on the pages theselves. There's the beginning of on another poem in there, but I know I'm not going to ever finish it. It was going to be similar in style to the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. I didn't even like that poem. But what matter? It's just another half-finished project. Another dead sheet of paper in the mass grave of such projects of mine. I'll get halfway, or a third, or a tenth of the way, and then drop off. But on to the 50-word story.

"I'm sorry, Dave, I can't write the story," I said. "Sure you can," Dave replied. "No, my disease is preventing me from writing," I countered. "What disease?" "Leprosy." "If you're well enough to come to class, you're well enough to write." I lifted my arm. "My writing hand fell off."

As a bonus, here are the other three I wrote that day. Yes, there is an element of morbidity here. I was by no means the only one with a morbid mind that day. One classmate wrote about a guy who takes a bite of a piece of bread with "butter" that turns out to be sodium! And then there's the "Time for you to say bye-bye" story. Dave wasn't surprised. He said that when you need to keep it short, morbid is easy. Now on to the other 50-wor stories. Really.

I sat down on Santa's lap unable to keep a grin off my face. Jovial as ever, he inqured, "What would you like for Christmas, little boy?" Imagine his face when I replied, "A five hundred-page book on demonic summoning!" Yes, we Dungeons & Dragons players are often misunderstood.

The janitor watched the tax collector enter the building. His employer escorted the guest into the next room. After the door closed, the janitor sighed and went ot get his mop. He returned to clean up the mess, wondering why they never learned: Assassins' guilds do not pay their taxes.

Having finished off all my classmates, he killer turned to face me. I leaped for the window, but his strong hand plled me back. Terrified, I shrieked, "Why are you doing this to us all?" His response chilled me to the core: "What else to do on a rainy day?"

The third story there was not my only assassin-related piece of writing last year. When we had sentence-writing competitions (adhering to structural guideline XYZ), my sentences were almost always assassin-related. My sentences almost always won. Coincidence?

Here's an example I found just now. We each had to write an extremely short sentence ("I am smart," for example). We then had to expand our sentences to 50 words or more without using lists. Here was my end result: "In those sleepy hours just before dawn on a Wednesday morning, the cackling and emotionally disturbed assassin whose divorced parents had molested him in his youth, utilizing sodium and a barrel of lukewarm tapwater, immolated the homeless, hapless, weepy-eyed orphan clad in only a few scant, oily rags, who wailed and wondered what sick twist of fate had condemned her to this most gruesome, even by pyrotechnic stabdards, of demises." Really, I am not wrong in the head! I promise!

I also wrote essays attacking Thoreau (specifically, referring to him as "an arrogant little snot" at one point) and The Great Gatsby. I believe both received good grades; I know the Thoreau paper did.

Whew! My need to write seems to have been sated for now. Back to the math papers for me!

Sweet Charity

The winter musical this year is Sweet Charity, and as I'm considering auditioning, I saw it on DVD today. It felt as long as Gone With The Wind! Vittorio looks like an interesting role, but I really hope they cut down on some of the dance numbers, particlarly The Rich Man's Frug.

Then there's the concern of total male roles. I can think of at least four significant male parts and only two, maybe three musical theater guys including myself. Oh, I said that already. Hmph. Well, it'll probably get worked out somehow.

Link #3

I have added a link to the Evil Overlord List to my blog. Everybody should, at some point, read the Evil Overlord List.

The rights of dreams

This has been on my mind for the past couple of days. I don't know why; dreams are just figments of the mind. But what if it wasn't so simple?

What if your dreams could think for themselves?

If your dreams maintained their setting and characters, could they be considered a second world?

If your dream world was mre enjoyable than your "real" life, would you be so wrong for wanting to retreat there?

If, for whatever reason, you had to choose between life and your dreams, would you be insane to put the good of "many" before the good of one?

If dreams thought they were real, would the act of waking become murderous?

Why do these posts keep coming back to dreams?

New link

As you may have noticed, I have made an addition to the list of links. Heh. Now I am actually justified in using the word "links." Plural. Anyhoo, Project Shut Up is the blog of a school friend of mine. You should check it out, especially if you like poetry.